WELCOME TO: THOUGHT MONSTER

Thoughts on intrusive thoughts from an aspiring actor.

This blog is about anxiety, acting and Pure O -O.C.D.

I post something when I've learned something.

United Kingdom mental health helpline: click here.

Canadian mental health helpline: click here.

International lists of mental health helplines: click here.

WHO'S YOUR WRITER?

Katherine Alpen (she/her) is a writer, actor, singer, song-writer, all around creator with a history of OCD and anxiety. This is her outlet for thoughts on healing, management and embarrassing revelations.

To learn more about Katherine's professional exploits, click here.

Out there, there be monsters. In here, we befriend them.

DISCLAIMER

I am not a medical professional. I'm not even a medical pre-professional. This blog is a public journal of my journey with OCD and generalized anxiety.

There is no replacement for professional medical advice and everything I explore in this blog is based on my own personal experience and does not necessarily apply to any and all situations.

The purpose of this blog is to create a relatable space for the struggles I've faced in the hopes that someone suffering similarly won't feel so alone. A blog is not an adequate replacement for professional mental health advice.

With all that said, I hope in these pages you find steps to move towards self-compassion, patience and resilience.

You are stronger than you know.

THE BEGINNING PRAYER
*NO "GOD" NECCESARY

Dear reader,

I am with you and I am not afraid of you. I am with you and you do not scare me. Not your most horrifying thought can move me from your side. Nothing your beautiful brain can create could ever move me to leave you. You are not alone; you are in my heart. Your perceived truth might not be what you think.

Your future is bright and peace is possible.

You. Are. Good.

I love you.

The A through H of sleep anxiety: 8 things I learned

Katherine Annmarie

Jul 16
6 min

OCD and Anxiety Focused

The A through H of sleep anxiety: 8 things I learned

Sleep is a pillar of health. When it's going well, you don't notice, and when it's not going well, it's a wee bit of a disaster. As a kid I was a horrible sleeper. I would bundle myself up with just my mouth visible every night, fearful of every creak in the hallway, every rattle of a pipe. I had a series of night lights, insisted on the door being open with the bathroom light on so I could sleep. I would sometimes fall asleep right away, but inevitably wake up in the middle

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How to use self-reflection to exit an anxiety spiral.

Katherine Annmarie

May 26
3 min

OCD and Anxiety Focused

How to use self-reflection to exit an anxiety spiral.

I have a kind of short term memory loss when it comes to anxious spells or "episodes". I'll be descending into another anxious mental health suffering period, featuring the usual suspects of chest pressure, shortness of breath and a feeling of doom thinking: "GOSH, THIS IS THE END, IT'S NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE. THESE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS ARE ABSOLUTELY FOOLPROOF EVIDENCE OF MY IMPENDING DEATH/A DISASTER. This time is DIFFERENT, I KNOW IT." For the record, it never has been.

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Katherine Annmarie

Apr 24
4 min

OCD and Anxiety Focused

Heart based anxiety fixation: et tu?

When the pandemic was just getting started, the phrase “is it covid or an anxiety attack?” became part of my lexicon. The anxiety I had been dancing with most of my life had found the partner of its dreams: a possible deadly infection affecting breathing and potentially worse outcomes. "My" anxiety's previous pas-de-deux partner was a fixation around my heart. So for awhile, the eye was turned to covid and palpitations no longer held the main sway over my fears. Swan lake get

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What I haven't wanted to admit for awhile.

Katherine Annmarie

Apr 7
3 min

OCD and Anxiety Focused

What I haven't wanted to admit for awhile.

The truth of my brain is that it is limitlessly creative both for better or worse. And I am indeed married to it, my blood, time and fate, so this is a beast I need to learn to live with. It would be easier, though, if it wasn't also a shapeshifter. Of late, I've felt my mind shifting, through many small needle-point-moves towards a different kind of embodiment of anxiety and stress. The mistake I've been making was thinking that once I came into a copacetic dance with intrus

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Four questions to lift the world off your shoulders.

Katherine Annmarie

Mar 8
4 min

OCD and Anxiety Focused

Four questions to lift the world off your shoulders.

FLASHBACK 19 YEARS: 10pm. School night. Katherine is 10, crying, distressed over school. Friend fights. Boys being the worst. Homework that's late. The world is ENDING. Nothing can solve this crying fit except eventually collapsing from exhaustion. PRESENT DAY: Bills. International conflict. Stress at work. Multiple auditions. A distressed and overwhelmed 29 year old, sitting on her bedroom floor, eats her fourth muffin in pyjamas at 3pm, trying to find something to mindlessl

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Spiralling anxiety loop? Pop this tool in your toolbox.

Katherine Annmarie

Jan 24
5 min

OCD and Anxiety Focused

Spiralling anxiety loop? Pop this tool in your toolbox.

Dis is you, taking anxiety names all the live long day. I've had so many "OH. SO THAT'S WHAT THAT WAS" moments with anxiety and OCD. I'll be washing the dishes, not a care in the world and BANG, I recall a moment I struggled in the past, the dots will connect to something I can perceive with a shifted perspective (age, experience, brilliance, ahem), and clarity shines at last. It's often humbling and always revelatory. One such eye opening occurred last year: I went into a co

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Making Monsters: Mental health in theatre creation

Katherine Annmarie

Nov 16, 2021
5 min

Mental Health and Performance

Making Monsters: Mental health in theatre creation

Across acting methodologies there's an age-old, fork-in-the-road debate of whether it is wise to bring personal history into character creation or to develop from solely imagination/physical exploration. Actors are mosaics of past physical and emotional experiences so there is no denying your life will influence your work on stage. However, as with anything, there are degrees of sourcing influences from your personal life scaling from the mundane to the extreme. By "bringing

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To diagnose, or not to diagnose: it's your decision.

Katherine Annmarie

Sep 22, 2020
4 min

OCD and Anxiety Focused

To diagnose, or not to diagnose: it's your decision.

When I realized that I never wanted another person to experience the uncertainty I did before my diagnosis, I started writing this blog. Well ACTUALLY I thought about it for years and then finally said fuck it and was brave enough to share. Taaddaaaaa! If even one person learns that they are not alone and gets the resources they need early, I will have succeeded. That's my purpose and this blog is the vehicle. I would usually say that I will die on the hill of diagnosis. Howe

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A hippo and a relationship walk into a bar: thoughts on being alone.

Katherine Annmarie

Sep 4, 2020
3 min

Mental Health and Relationships

A hippo and a relationship walk into a bar: thoughts on being alone.

I have a lot of fun alone. K, yeah. That way too. But that's not what this article is about. What I mean is that I genuinely delight in my own company. I make myself laugh when I do stupid things. I shimmy in the kitchen and use utensils as microphones with conviction. I talk to myself as I putter around the house. I think I am cute and hilarious when I drop things. In Easy A when Emma Stone decides to spend an entire weekend with a musical card that plays "Pocketful of Sunsh

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Is there something OCD related you are curious to know more about? Drop me a message and I'll feature your ideas in an article.

WELCOME TO: THOUGHT MONSTER

WHO'S YOUR WRITER?

DISCLAIMER

THE BEGINNING PRAYER
*NO "GOD" NECCESARY

CONTACT

Subscribe Form

WELCOME TO: THOUGHT MONSTER

WHO'S YOUR WRITER?

DISCLAIMER

THE BEGINNING PRAYER *NO "GOD" NECCESARY

CONTACT

Subscribe Form

THE BEGINNING PRAYER
*NO "GOD" NECCESARY